No Matter How Hard I Try, I’m Not Perfect.
Neither Are You.
We’re all human. Which means we are imperfect. We make mistakes. We can be capable of really amazing feats, and yet we’re also quite capable of the opposite. Sometimes our actions hurt each other, whether intentional or not, we end up at a crossroads. A corner where two streets converge, two streets by the name of ‘Forgive’ and ‘Forget’.
The way I see it, there are four directions I can go after someone wrongs me at the crossroads (or conversely four directions they can choose if I have wronged them). But when I really think about it, there’s only one of the four that leads to a better place, one that for many people is a lesser traveled road. Our choices include:
- Not Forgive and Not Forget.
- Ultimately this path will lead us to a dark place, full of spite, untrustworthiness, and toxic grudges, that can spread like a cancer in ones body and can even unfairly affect other relationships unknowingly. Not a good choice, and never a good path.
- Not Forgive and Forget.
- This path arises from a weak mind, one in which a person wants to punish the other but loses heart in the endeavor, as deep down they know people make mistakes and that they’ve probably made some too. Not a good path, and not to be taken, as it will cost you friends, happiness and peace of mind.
- Forgive and Forget.
- A dangerous road indeed. Although a common saying, and well intended, this path leads only to a life of being taken advantage of and perpetual disappointment. This is the path a fool would take. A learning lesson is only a learning lesson the first time, the second time it’s a failure to pay attention. Not a good choice.
- Forgive but not Forget.
- This is the path of the wise. It’s also one that I try my best to stay vigilant in taking. It’s the best path, and of course not the easiest, but it’s the one that more of us need to take, myself included. Forgiveness is healing. Remembering is learning.
I remember a time a few years back when a coworker of mine agreed to pick me up and take me to the office. I had several important meetings that morning. Sadly, he never showed up and I missed every last one of them. It turns out that he simply forgot about our arrangement. Initially, I was beyond frustrated, but I forgave him and we are still good friends today. However, every time I needed a ride to the office after that, I made sure to ask someone else instead. A simple example, but you get the point. Whether it’s a forgotten promise, a broken heart, hurtful words or deeds, there are plenty of reasons we come upon the crossroads.
In the end, we all hope to grow for the better as people, and to pass those life lessons on to others. So, the next time you find yourself on the corner of Forgive and Forget streets, pause for a minute and think about the destination you really want to get to, rather than the one you’re at. Maybe the late, great Ralph Waldo Emerson really was on to something when he wrote those timeless words, “Two roads diverged in the wood, and I chose the path less traveled by.”
Cheers to us all taking that path less traveled by.
-Matt
